Just wanting it should be enough

And other things I learned on the way to my Fuck Off Friday message.

It took me years to be able to say it with any confidence. “I don’t work Fridays.” And even longer to actually mean it.

For a long time, I didn’t dare ask for what I wanted. I was consulting, but most of my time was going to one company and its clients. I wanted Fridays for myself. Time to breathe, to think, to do the things I actually wanted to do. But I was terrified to ask for it. At the heart of it, I was afraid people wouldn’t want me anymore. If I wasn’t there when they needed me, why would they keep choosing me?

The move to Spain gave me the opening I needed. Chris had been retrenched from South African Airways during COVID, and there were no opportunities for him in South Africa. We had to find a place to rebuild, and everything pointed to Spain. Suddenly, for the first time, I had a reason to ask for what I wanted. One that other people might actually accept. We needed time to explore different areas to find where we wanted to live, and Fridays would give me that time.

This was before the whole movement around four-day work weeks had really taken off. I couldn’t point to that and say everyone’s doing it. I just had Spain.

So I asked the person I worked for. And he said yes.

I felt a huge sense of relief. Like a door had finally opened in a cage I had been locked inside for a long time.

You know what? The world didn’t fall apart. Work kept coming. People didn’t care as much as I had feared. That extra day gave me something I hadn’t even fully understood I was missing. I realised that two-day weekends, the norm we’ve all just accepted, aren’t really enough. One day to wind down, one day to prepare for the week ahead. There’s no day to actually breathe, to explore, to just be. Now I had that day. And I loved it.

After a year in Spain, it was time for a new role. This is where the real test came. My previous client and I had found a comfortable rhythm. But this was someone new, and I couldn’t use settling into Spain as a reason anymore. But I wasn’t willing to give up what I had found. The pain of going back to working Fridays was greater than the fear of being rejected. So, with some trepidation, I told my new client I didn’t want to work Fridays. It came out as more of a request than a statement. I breathed a sigh of relief when he agreed.

But here’s the thing about patterns. They don’t just disappear because you’ve won a battle. New role, new clients, and almost immediately my old habits started knocking. When someone asked for a Friday meeting, I could feel everything inside me wanting to say yes. I didn’t want to let anyone down. I didn’t want them to think less of me. The fear of not being wanted was still there.

I realised something important. If I don’t keep my own boundaries, nobody will keep them for me. No one was going to protect my Fridays except me. That meant I had to get practical. I had to find ways to protect me from myself.

I added a note to my email signature saying I work Monday to Thursday. It was a bigger step than it sounds. I was announcing it to the world. What if people didn’t like it? But if I didn’t tell them, how would they know?

Then came the Fuck Off Friday message. Every Thursday before I sign off, I set up an out-of-office. I started out calling it my Freedom Friday message, but let’s be honest, that was never really what I meant. Everyone and everything can wait. This time is mine. Go away. I do still have to make sure I can’t see emails on my phone every weekend to stop myself from getting sucked in.

Basically, I had to find ways to outsmart my own patterns.

It reminds me of Bella, my dog. When I’m running an online workshop and need to keep her downstairs, she’ll try absolutely everything to get past whatever I’ve put at the bottom of the stairs. She jumps around it, squeezes past it, stares at it willing it to move. My patterns are a lot like Bella. Determined, creative, and completely shameless. If I don’t stay one step ahead of them, they’ll find a way through.

It took years to get here. But I can now say “I don’t work Fridays” with confidence. Looking back, I’m a bit annoyed with myself for letting it take so long. I couldn’t take the first step without a reason I thought other people would find acceptable. Just wanting it for myself wasn’t enough. I was too scared of how people would react.

But here’s what I know now. Wanting something is a reason. It doesn’t need to be dressed up or justified or made palatable for anyone else. And honestly, that goes for a lot more than just Fridays.

Is there something you want that you’re putting off because just wanting it doesn’t feel like enough? Or because you’re worried about how people might react if you actually asked for it?